A few thoughts for Melissa...

I can't seem to find a picture of this sweet person I call a friend. This person is Melissa Hawkley. I wish you could see her beaming face. She radiates sunshine and good will. She epitomizes seeking the best in people and situations. I have known her for about six years through Reach the Children, her studies in the MPA program at BYU, and her involvement as a consultant and blossoming expert in the world of community development. She has always been anxiously engaged in good causes, but sincerely wished to find the person with whom she would spend eternity and create a family. I tasted for a very short time the despair that can be experienced at the loss of a potentially eternal relationship, and so I sympathized with her through her trials.

At long last, I received a phone call out of the blue from another friend of Melissa's last Tuesday. I was invited to attend her bridal shower the following evening! I knew she had been dating someone, so evidently she and Tim had decided to be married. I was thrilled for her and wanted to congratulate her, but I was only able to get there very late. My mom and I were able to go together, as she had arrived earlier in the day on Wednesday. The last few guests were leaving as we arrived. We wanted to give her a quick hug and wish her well. When we greeted her, however, she turned to her friend who had invited us and asked, "Do they know?" We didn't. Melissa calmly stated in an almost steady voice, "Tim has decided to terminate our engagement." We were almost as shocked as Melissa in those first few minutes. We were able to sit with her and three of her dear friends and hear her recount what had happened and how she had felt and was feeling. She expressed not a word of bitterness, anger, or contempt. She simply sorrowed for Tim and his family and for herself. In the next breath, she forced herself to hope for the promised blessings of an eternal love and children to rear in righteousness. Although the challenge seemed so heavy to bear, she stood steadfast, holding to her faith in God, in God's plan, and in her divine nature as a daughter of God. I was truly humbled. Her reaction to this tragedy in her life is a testimony to her faith and a tribute to her character.

I reached out to her and took her hand. There were so many things I wanted to say to her: "It's better for him to figure this out now than after you were married..." or "Isn't it better to have this happen now rather than after you had children?" or "He mustn't deserve you anyway..." all didn't seem appropriate. The only words I could find were: "my heart breaks for you." I truly mourned with my friend. I sorrowed for her sorrows. I wished there were something I could do to ease her pain. But there wasn't. She just thanked me. She said, "You know, when Mom died [when I was a teenager], the next morning, Dad took us all out to breakfast with our friends. We needed to be with our friends. I think it was a good thing to have this non-bridal shower tonight because I needed to be with my friends. It's a similar feeling of loss."

I have been to dozens of bridal showers for friends and acquaintances. This one was different because the bride is no longer a bride. More poignantly etched in my memory is the depth of feeling that was shared at this gathering. There were no fluffy wishes for a giddy co-ed barely aware of her surroundings. This was an assembly of souls united in love for a mutual friend and thus able to build a collective friendship where there had been none previously. I felt a sincere bond with the other friends of Melissa who joined us in mourning with her. I believe that establishing a quick friendship is a special occasion that does not happen all the time. I was grateful to have been a part of it.

I don't know what the future holds for this dear friend. I know Melissa will continue to hold onto the faith in her Savior. I will pray for her. As we left the shower, she asked us to pray for Tim and his mother. I will do so. I pray that Melissa will pick up the pieces of her heart and hand them over to the Lord to mend them. I pray that I will again be able to see the sparkle in her eyes. I'm thinking of you, Melissa.